Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
