I'm going to jail i love you
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
