he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
