There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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