he wants to bone in the snuggie
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
