ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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