just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
