i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
accomplished twins. life is a go
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
