Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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