don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
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I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I intend to get homeless drunk
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
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This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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