what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
