How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
