remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
