UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just cropdusted the office
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
