I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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