You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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