gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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