Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
