it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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