I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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