I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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