i permit you to call me
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
