apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
