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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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