Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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