I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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