your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
