can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
