He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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