I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
