she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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