Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
