as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
