he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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