When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
