apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
