toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
