Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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