We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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