I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
