What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
