Pregnant stripper...not hot.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
