I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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