I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
