her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
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My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
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If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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