Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Randomize
