The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
