Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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