Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
