Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
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You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
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Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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