Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
