tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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