He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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