There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
