Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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