I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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