Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
