I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
