There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
