Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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