the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
