so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
