my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
