Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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