Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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