he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
