giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
