You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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