You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
