He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
