peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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