Whatcha textin bout Willis?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
