i was rollin on her like bob the builder
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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