I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize