im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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