We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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