Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
