No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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