we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
