So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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